WOW #050: Choosing Happiness

Quote of the Week:
“I have chosen to be happy because it is good for my health.”
- Voltaire

A few weekends ago, I got together with 2 close friends on Saturday morning to walk in the park. We met early (7:30) to beat the oppressive Summer heat.

A lot was covered:

• Work

• Family

• Current events
• Funny memories

Towards the end, one of my friends (we’ll call him T), brought up Robert Waldinger’s work directing the Harvard Study of Adult Development. Waldinger is an American psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, Zen Priest, and part-time faculty member at Harvard Medical. 

The Harvard Study of Adult Development is one of the longest running studies of adult life ever conducted and was designed to produce lessons and learnings on how to live longer, happier lives. 

It started in 1938 and continues to this day.

The current version of the study is quite different from the original (which studied only male students at Harvard), but the results over time and with varying demographics draw similar conclusions. Here are a few lessons that Waldinger himself calls out:

• “Loneliness kills. It's as powerful as smoking or alcoholism.”
• “Taking care of your body is important, but tending to your relationships is a form of self-care too.”
• “Close relationships are better predictors of long and happy lives than social class, IQ, or even genes.”

What does this all mean? Perhaps we devote too much time on things we believe will make us happy and not nearly enough time on the things that do.

Our careers and businesses are important, but pale in comparison to the relationships that see us through those journeys and everything else in-between.

For more on the Harvard study, check out this link, it's worth a visit.

2 Takeaways:

1. Relationships Need To Be Continuously Nurtured. It takes work to communicate, make plans and participate, listen intently, and follow-up with people. Some of us are better at it than others, or at least put in a greater effort towards doing so. If this is more of a blind spot for you compared to the close circle of friends you travel in, it wouldn't hurt to think about why. Understanding our own behavior is a good first step towards change.
2. Quality Of Connections Matter More Than Numbers Of Connections. Even people who are constantly surrounded by others experience loneliness. The U.S. Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy says we are already in a true loneliness epidemic that gets worse every year with technology. Are there any important in-person interactions in your life that have given ground to digital platforms and being online?

1 Action:

Think of a good friend in your circle.

It may not be your best friend or someone you see often, but someone you consider a good friend. The person you're thinking of is someone you'd see more often if time and distance were easier to manage.

How many times do you see this person every year?

How much time do you spend with that person when you do see them?

When you run the numbers and project out, you can ballpark how many days you'll see that person again. (Hint: you'll be overshooting the number).

Apologies for the stark, sober ending to this issue, but all to drive home an important point.

Call that friend this week, both of you will be glad you did.

Hubert